Oh my my...

Life has been a whirlwind. In the past year and a half I've been through (in some sort of particular order):

• I pushed away what at the time was the love of my life, the only woman I ever wanted to marry (and I have absurdly ridiculous high standards for a woman I should marry) due to my own insecurities of not thinking I deserved the love of this woman.She left and I was absolutely devastated.
• A skin cancer scare where I thought I was going to die, literally to the point where I told a few friends and family to prepare for the end.
• I went through a bout of depression that was so severe, I couldn't get out of bed for four days straight. I hated myself and what I was, or should I say, wasn't. (Explanation later)
• I withered away to a scant 135 lbs, I'd say, and depended on legal stimulants to keep me awake and functional.

In my depression, I rented a movie called Limitless. I was Eddie, laboring through life and not getting anything done. The promise and potential in my life was magnetic, but just like Eddie, to no avail. I did nothing with it. I had wonderful, extremely beautiful and good-hearted women in my life, but I was never able to keep them. The ones I didn't want always seemed to linger too long, but the ones I wanted got sick of my complacency and walked away. In the movie, Eddie took a pill that allowed him to utilize 100% of his brain, making him supremely intelligent and resourceful, but more important than those aspects, they made him take the steps it required to obtain a life he never knew he wanted, and could always have. During a moment of clarity in the movie, Eddie entered his apartment, looked around at the clutter and mess, and said "Who lives like this?"

I began to see something in me that needed to be looked at.

"Who lives like this?"

It kept ringing in my thoughts. Do I have no faith at all in myself?

"Who lives like this?"

I always had confidence. Why am I in bed?

"Who lives like this?"

What am I doing? I haven't returned any phone calls to the point where nearly no one is calling anymore. Did they give up on me? No, I gave up on myself.

"Who lives like this?"

"Who lives like this?"

Seriously, who really does live like this?

I've been so arrogant, thinking I had all the answers. I thought I was so smart, able to outsmart anyone. I made sure I learned a little about everything I could think of. I thought I retained more knowledge from my schooling than most people my age. I memorized all the ingredients, but I NEVER MADE ANYTHING!
I built a workshed that could house all the tools necessary for life. It's as if I had a circular saw, a hacksaw, some levels, hammers, clamps,  nails, screws, everything I needed to build a life worth living. But I NEVER BUILT ANYTHING!!!I had to do something. I had to live a life for me. And at the time, I thought I needed to become the man my love had always expected me to be. Most important, I had to get out of bed.

But I was depressed beyond all reason. I had just lost the most beautiful, sweet, caring woman I had EVER MET! And it wasn't a pretty ending. I was a pathetic, clingy loser, desperate for her love, thinking that she was the only one I would ever love again. She was probably turned off beyond any redemption. And I don't blame her, looking back at myself.

What a joke.

I thought the first thing I needed to do was get my mind off of her. But I thought I needed help. Maybe pay a hypnotist to erase her from my memory. Something. And fast. I was wasting away into a corpse.

Then it happened. A change was on the horizon. The clouds that blocked all sunshine in my life screwed up and let a small ray of light through, and I saw it. People say things always happen for a reason. And even though you may never know the reason it happened, there is still a reason for it.

A victim of the economy was my saving grace...

LIfe Your Way

Always remember, this is YOUR life. No one will live it for you. Your life is not a business. No one will do the work so that you can get the rewards. No one should make YOUR decisions to send you in the right direction. Live life to make yourself happy. Do what you want to do. Others will try to sway you or change your mind about things, but even tough you should listen at times, make the decision that will make YOU happy. The only thing I ask of you is BE CAREFUL. If you made the right decision every time, you would reap the rewards and can choose to distribute your fortunes to others. But when you make mistakes, sometimes others will pay for it without even being responsible. That being said, at the end of the day, YOU need to be happy. The day you die, you need to be able to look back and be able to recite the lyrics to "My Way".

MY WAY 
Songwriters: Revaux, Jacques; Anka, Paul (Eng Lyr); Thibaut, Gilles; Francois, Claude
And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes it was my way

My Journey:

Three months ago is what I consider my rebirth. The start of a new life. I had a different life, and it ended abruptly. I have a mission that has roots deep into my childhood. As a boy I learned about the very rare person born throughout the ages that can seemingly do it all. A man that can write poetry and forge steel. A man that can play any sport and play many instruments. A man that can fight any adversary and speak many languages.

The Renaissance Man

Even as a boy, I strove to be good at everything I did. I played many sports, and played them well. I learned to read at an extremely young age, and read constantly. Being Mexican, I spoke Spanish decently, if not fluently. I romanced women with pretty words, and school was easy and boring for me. Until the end of high school I was coasting through life and life was good.

Since then I have had many wake-up calls, endured many events that have changed me and met people that have taught me, loved me, bested me, broke my heart, betrayed me, and humbled me. I can be arrogant on occasion. I can be a smartass know-it-all. But I try to put myself in check, while expecting nothing but excellence from myself and people I love in every aspect of life. I am blessed to look 10 years younger than I really am, but my age shows in the growing number of white hairs on my chin.

I aim to become a Renaissance Man. I owe it to myself and to the ones I've lost. I know that everyone on this earth has the ability to become more than they could ever imagine.

"You are extraordinary! You came into this life with more talents and abilities than you can ever use. You could not exhaust your full potential if you lived 100 lifetimes. Your amazing brain has 20 billion cells, each of which is connected to 20,000 other cells. The possible combinations and permutations of ideas, thoughts, and insights that you can generate are equivalent to the number one followed by eight pages of zeros...Whatever you have accomplished in life to this date is only a small fraction of what you are truly capable of achieving. The psychologist Abraham Maslow once wrote 'The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short'. The average person settles for far less than he or she is truly capable of achieving. Compared to what you could do, everything you have accomplished so far is only a small part of what is truly possible for you."
Brian Tracy,  author of Million Dollar Habits

I have a list of the many things I need to know and learn. I will learn everything I want to. I will be able to speak many languages. I will acquire every skill I can think of. I will make my body a finely tuned machine capable of fighting, dancing, building and molding. I will surround myself with ambitious people with honor. I will do all of these things.

I will become a Renaissance Man.

Coming soon...A Woman's Perspective

I will be asking women I respect their opinions of what makes a man, the qualities a man should have, and how he should treat a lady. A wise man should listen to a woman and consider their opinions.

Levi's New Ad Campaign

They have more cool ads.
Enjoy life, there's no reverse gear, no rewind button, and no undoing the past.

My Fictional Hero

I love this guy.

A Letter for my Son

-The world is a big place, my son. There is more to see than you have time for. The lands are vast and the people are too many. Go into this world and make waves. It may not seem so, but your influence will have far reaching effects on the history of mankind. You may never know how or why, but it will happen. Live your life knowing that people will speak about you throughout the generations. It is up to you to dictate the words they say. Wake up every morning and make real the pleasant dream you just had. As long as you know that there is no difference between your dreams and your reality, life won't get too hard for you.
-You will be a man, so be strong. Ready your body for any situation that may arise, be it battle, a fight, or a long journey. Your body is the vessel that houses your heart and your mind. Make it an impenetrable fortress. A man can be a man without strength, but he will be a lesser man than you.
-Be a lover of women. Love them as if they were the spark that makes your heart beat. Love the pretty ones, the charming ones, and the virtuous ones. Be a connoisseur of women. They are as different as the flowers in this world. Do not surround yourself with cynical, bitter hags. They will darken your skies and poison the rivers. They are alone for a reason. Tell the pretty women they're charming, tell the charming women they're pretty, and tell the virtuous women nothing. They already know what they are, and they already know their worth. Give them all attention, affection, and a smile. Always ask them about their day. Give them every respect and every courtesy, But never give them everything you are. They need to know that there is something they don't know about you. This is not to say that you must deceive them or entrap them. Just have secrets about yourself that only you know. Make them earn the knowledge. Women, just like men, do not appreciate anything they didn't earn or work very hard for.  They will tempt you and provoke you. They will anger you and lie to you. They will trick you and change their wants and needs at least once a week. They will appear to do this because women and men don't speak the same language. But if you know this going in, you won't be thrown completely off balance.
-A women that loves you should bring the world to your feet. And if you love her the way she loves you, you will take it, take out the rotten parts, make it more beautiful, and present it right back to her. To love her, she should have a mind of her own, but like yours. A path parallel to yours, not the same one. She will forgive you your faults and make you strive to be a better man. She will encourage your creative mind, and help you focus your wild ideas. But love is made of fire, and fire dies without space to breath. A woman in love doesn't always know it, but she needs time away from you. She can't miss what's always there, and a woman needs to miss a man on occasion. Be very careful who you fall in love with, my son. The right woman will make you feel good while she's there, and the wrong woman will make you feel awful long after she's gone.Pay attention when they speak, women hide things deep in their language. You must speak their tongue and decipher the coded signals to root out the wants, needs, suspicions and resentments lurking deep in their hearts.
- God resides in your heart, not your mind, I believe. Follow your heart. It may, on occasion steer you wrong, but it's certainly more dependable then your mind. A weak mind can be tricked, so steel it with intellect, reason, and understanding. Study history. The histories of people and cultures will teach you things you will never learn on your own, and save you from making mistakes that people have made before you. Study different languages. People need to communicate with one another, and learning languages will make you the mediator and solver of many problems. Sciences are crucial to understanding the world around you. From animal husbandry to mathematics, psychology to physics, zoology to astronomy, science will open new ideas and paths to your dreams. But never forget the arts. Art is life set in the senses. You must experience artists' lives through their music, painting, photography, sculpture, dance and more. Arts can change the world. Long ago, idealists who were educated, cultured and most of all, wise, opened a new way of thinking called the Renaissance. Sciences, Arts, Politics, and even religion were changed forever and for the better. Be intelligent. Be learned. You will have advantages and access to information that the ignorant will never have. You will see the uneducated, even the ones that try to pass themselves off as experts in their field. Do not look down upon them or condescend to their inferior wit. Help them become better people. If intellect, reason and understanding are part of your mind, then passion, will, and wisdom are part of your heart. Hearts are intuitive and without reason, but at least they are true and without malice. God will provide you with choices, and you will make the wrong ones from time to time, but your mind will learn and your heart will mend.
-Finally, if you are blessed, you will have a family. Teach your son to be a man. Teach him the knowledge I passed on to you, and teach him the lessons you've learned. Tell him what it is to be a man. Do not let him become spoiled, arrogant, disrespectful, or cynical. A man is none of these things. He is a symbol to boys. A hero to women, and loves the world and should aim to leave it a better place then when he arrived.